This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
