so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize