just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
