I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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