I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
