one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize