I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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