DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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