So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
