seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
