I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
pray to the hookup gods
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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