she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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