best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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