I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
being pregnant is like rehab
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
