You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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