people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
FUCK WHALES
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