I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
