a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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