The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
