ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
