3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I smell stomach acid.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
