if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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