there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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