Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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