I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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