I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
