loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
