By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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