when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize