ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
