just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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