exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
