hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
