the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
