I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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