over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
