Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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