Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
