Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
