My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
That was before I lit my hair on fire
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
