i wish my penis had a tongue
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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