If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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