went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
