I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
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