i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
