I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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