yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
