that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize