I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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