so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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