this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
