apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
