dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
