you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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