So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
