The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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