I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
