U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
