my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she looked like the before picture.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
