in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
