My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
