jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
