On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
