Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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