Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
