I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
