I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
