She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
