I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
