question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
